Monday 21 May 2007

Rules of the Road

Where have we been? Not much exciting happening at home, just routine life that's not very interesting to report on... We bought some more stuff on Trademe: a desk and a bookshelf thingy and a simple desk chair, which means that we can tidy up the spare room a little. We just need a spare bed and we're pretty much done for furnishings. Some more of the usual screwdriver work in assembling everything... Also, must add that the 3-series is crap for trying to transport anything. The boot access and rear doors are so badly shaped that anything boxy generally won't fit. Fortunately the boxy stuff was flat packed this time. Dare I say it - the old VW Polo was actually good for something...

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So, in lieu of our life story, let me introduce you to the Road Rules in New Zealand:
Rule 1: Bigger is Better.
For example:
  1. A truck has priority over a car.
  2. A car has priority over a pedestrian.
  3. A red Mercedes A Class pulling out from a side street has priority over a cyclist approaching at full speed, down hill in the rain.
Rule 2: You're A Pedestrian, You Don't Count.
Face it, if you were important, you could afford a car, and then I might give you some respect when turning into the street that you're crossing, you filthy peasant.

Rule 3: Turning.
3.1
A car turning left must give way to a car approaching from the opposite direction turning right into the same street.
3.1.1
Yes, this is true. Everyone recognises that it's this magical unique rule in NZ, but noone can explain why.
3.2
A car turning left does not have to give way to a car approaching from the opposite direction turning right into the same street, if said car is obstructed by a car travelling in a straight line.
3.2.1 Corollary to Rules 3.1 and 3.2:
If you're turning left, you must look to your right and behind you before deciding whether you can proceed. Fortunately you don't actually have to bother looking left (see Rule 2).
3.3
A car turning right into a side street must give way to a car turning right out of that side street.
3.4
Noone obeys Rule 3.3.
3.5
The centre painted lane or the bus lane is for pushing in from.

Rule 4: Smoke.
If your car isn't smoking, you must be looking after it too well. You should buy an old Magna, or a diesel, or a diesel Magna.

Rule 5: WOF.
5.1
So you've bought a nice new car, and it's in perfect condition? Well, we'll make you get a Warrant of Fitness (WOF, basically a roadworthy check, not a swear word) every year (or, if it's over 6 years old, twice a year), to make sure it's smoking just the right amount. Or still has 4 wheels. Or something. Doesn't seem to have any effect on the quality of cars on the road...
5.2
You can get a free tailpipe emissions test to check the actual filthy output of your rustbucket.
5.2.1
Even if your car is belching enough black clouds to make your eyes water, said emissions test can't actually be used as evidence to get your car legally removed from the road.

Rule 6: Jap Imports
6.1
The odder, the better. Face it, it's cheaper to buy another than repair, so you're not going to bother ever servicing it. So access to spare parts is an irellevance (though ironically, every garage has a fleet of loaner cars on hand, because they bought them just as cheaply too).
6.2
Your oddball car should have the oddest name badge possible. Bonus points for a Toyota Corolla II Super Windy G, an Emina (sounds as fun as an enema), or any Engrish on the stickers.

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Well, that should be enough to have you driving as badly as everyone else here. Glad to hear that you've had some rain back home, hopefully our garden is kicking on.

I won't be coming over for an extra week for work, so we'll only be around for one week (and even then probably fairly busy).

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Much the same thing here. The rules for cyclists and other road users small than cars are a bit different, more along the lines of:

1a. Cyclists shall only ride on the left hand side of the road, heading into oncoming traffic. In the event of having to move around an obstruction, swerve wildly into the road with no warning.
1b. Not withstanding rule 1, it is also ok to ride on the right.
1c. Speed of bicycles should not exceed walking pace.
1d. Lights are illegal.

2a. Pedestrians have right of way.
2b. Cars have right of way.
2c. So do bikes coming the wrong way.

3. Road Heirarchy: Not withstanding Rule 2, the road heirarchy (in the fast lane) is:
A. Cars with single digit number plates
B. Cars with double digit plates
C. Cars with triple digit plates
D. The more expensive car has right of way. A Merc beats a Lexus, which beats a Commodore, which beats a Toyota. Unless it's a Land Cruiser, in which case size, and the number plate, are trumps.
E. Everything beats a Nissan Sunny.
F. And a French car.

As Gino Tagliatori says: Take my advice, never give way to a Japanese car!

Unknown said...

Sounds like Springvale Road (in melbourne....)